A Place Part 1

The forest is a place to be alone.  Actually, I go to be with my Creator.  I do go to be alone, it’s just that, well, let’s just keep it at it’s got a dual purpose.  I will explain.

This place is mostly void of human life, day and night.  The vacancy allows the atmosphere to be intrinsically tranquil, making space for my mind to expand.  Which is salvation for me because my mind is usually constricted (there is a deeper meaning here which I will not define but take it as is).  In this forest, there are many intertwining paths for me to “peruse” while I speak to my Creator, beg for forgiveness, and thank him for everything in my life.  Even though that sounds lofty and I’d love to boast about it, I really go there to scream and complain about all the pain in life.  It brings me close to him.

I try to build an intimate relationship by clearing my mind of everything and finding what’s in my heart to speak out to him.  Silently, I dig into the depths of my soul to search for feelings that I desperately need to express.  It takes a while, perhaps some pacing through the paths, until the words begin to flow.  Many times, I can only yell, “Master of the World!” repeatedly, patiently waiting for him to have mercy on me and permit me to speak.  When he does, the words taste sweet and pour out smoothly like milk, sometimes the opposite, like rapid-fire from a machine gun and I have no mercy.  That’s when I get frustrated and upset.

There are things in life that are gray.  No, no, what I am saying, life itself, all aspects of life, it’s all gray.  We all know this. Sadly, some people can’t admit to it or it’s that they simply have too large of an ego to allow themselves to let go of the controls.  Whatever the case may be, that’s not the subject here; it’s the grayness that gets me.  It gets me squirming, searching for divine assistance.

So, basically, life gets me, period.  Hence, I find a place to seclude myself with the One who made all this madness.  It only seems like madness from our perspective. I suppose I should speak for myself, so from my perspective is seems mad, but in the truth of truths, its perfect goodness.  The problem is that I don’t always have the clarity of mind to see or feel the goodness, so I cry to my Creator about everything that is a thorn in my side, without tears that is.

There it is, the stone heart.  It never allows me to project, in words, what I truly feel.  Like a tyrant, cruel and cold, it subjugates my emotions and imprisons my spirit.  It numbs, paralyzes, and sedates me until I can’t speak. Yet, I still fight the stone heart. I will not surrender to this ruthless ruler.  For it is the very words which it holds hostage that are the keys which unlock the chains of its bondage.  That’s when screaming comes in to the scene.

When I can’t speak, I scream.  We see this with babies that have yet to reach the talking age.  Why do they scream?  It’s because they can’t speak. That’s how I over-turn the kingdom of the stone heart.  If it is he that does not let me speak, then it is he that is actually forcing a scream out of me.  Alas! He is his own downfall.  Furthermore, The Creator is on my side, desiring to hear my voice.  So, if I’m screaming, “Help me, Master of the World!”  then He will be my Redeemer and the words will find their way to freedom, eradicating the evil empire from my midst.

Guest post by Leon Levy

Author: Yossi Katz

Yossi Katz currently lives in Lakewood, NJ where he runs the BRI American Office. He studied in Beth Medrash Gevoha, as well as the former Breslov Kollel of Lakewood headed by Rabbi Shlomo Goldman.

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1 Comment

  1. What an amazing conception that brough to me some awesome feeling to call out to our creator even if it’s just a scream. Now I know that even just a scream or a yelp if you will is a perfect start to getting closer to our creator for that is how a baby starts to call out to his mother and that baby grows up to be close to it’s mother and she in turn has just as much love for the child with words as she would with just a cry

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