Sichos HaRan
Rebbe Nachman's Wisdom

by Reb Noson of Nemirov

#160.

I heard this in the name of the man who attended to the Rebbe in his youth.

The Rebbe would often fast from Shabbat to Shabbat. On a Wednesday, in the middle of one such fast, blood began flowing from his nose, eyes, ears and mouth. His attendant began screaming, saying that he would raise an alarm in the house because the Rebbe was so faint.

The Rebbe wisely calmed him down, saying, 'This is the way of such a fast. It becomes most difficult in the middle of the week, but tomorrow you will see that it will be easier for me.' The Rebbe had made his attendant take an oath not to tell anyone about his fasts and he had to keep it to himself.

During another such fast, the Rebbe became so faint in the middle of the week that he had to take to bed and raise his feet on the bedpost.

#161.

One Friday night the Rebbe found himself in great danger after fasting the entire previous week. The only safe way to break such a fast was with such things as milk and warm drinks. The Rebbe had not prepared anything special and no one else knew about the fast. He ate the regular heavy Friday evening meal and became dangerously ill. This caused a great commotion in the house.

Another time, after such a fast, the Rebbe went to the bath house on a Friday afternoon. The mikveh was extremely cold, but the Rebbe immersed himself and remained in the mikveh almost two hours. This would have been difficult even for one who was not fasting.

#162.

The Rebbe once fasted from Shabbat to Shabbat while living in Zlatipolia. By Friday afternoon he was so weak that he had to be carried to the mikveh. He said that the reason he became so faint was because his fasts had become public knowledge.

The Rebbe lived in town. Even though he had a private room where he could practice his devotions, he would often walk in the woods and fields and seclude himself in prayer. I once walked with the Rebbe through Medvedevka, where he lived earlier. We strolled all through the fields and hills. The Rebbe gestured toward the hills and meadows and said, 'See all these fields and hills around the city? See all the other places near the town? I was in all these places. I went to each of them many times and secluded myself in prayer.Ó

The Rebbe pointed to a mountain near the city and said, 'There is a very high place on top of that mountain, and in the middle of it there is a small depression. I would climb to the top and seclude myself there. This was my favorite place and I would go there many times. And there were also other places.Ó

All this took place in Medvedevka, where the Rebbe was already a renowned tzaddik. This is aside from the many times he engaged in secluded devotion earlier when he lived in a nearby village.

#163.

One of the Rebbe's followers from Zlatipolia related the following:

One summer day in Zlatipolia, the Rebbe worshipped very early. He sent his daughter Sarah to call me. When I came to him he suggested that we take a stroll together. We soon left the city and found ourselves walking in a grassy meadow. The Rebbe spoke. 'If you could only be worthy to hear the song of the grass. Each blade sings out to God without any ulterior motive, not expecting any reward. It is most wonderful to hear their song and serve God in their midst. Es iz zeir gut frum tzu zein tzuvishen zei. It is very good to be religious among them.Ó

We walked a bit further and came to a mogila, a small mountain near the city. I asked why we were going there and the Rebbe told me the secret of that mogila. He asked me to come with him. The mountain was hollow like a cave, and when we entered it, we could not be seen from the outside.

As soon as we entered the hollow, the Rebbe took a copy of Shaarey Tzion out of his pocket and began reading. He read it page by page, weeping bitterly all the time. I was standing there holding the Rebbe's coat and was amazed at the extent of his weeping. We stayed there for a very long time. When the Rebbe finished he asked me to go out and see the time. When I looked, the day was almost over and the sun was beginning to set. The Rebbe had been weeping in prayer for an entire long summer day without stopping.

The Rebbe asked me for a light and smoked his pipe for a while. He sat there for some time and then went outside. The Rebbe said, 'A time will come when it will be very difficult to approach me. But now I am in your hands. If you and Reb Y.Y. desired it, I could make you into tzaddikim must like myself.Ó

#164.

When the Rebbe moved to Uman, it was a mere half year before he passed away. He had already achieved a level higher than any other human being, as discussed earlier. But even here, he would spend much time secluded in prayer.

The Rebbe had his own apartment in Uman, but his landlord had the right to enter at will. Once the landlord entered the Rebbe's room without warning, and found him lying prostrate on the floor, stretched out in prayer.

The Rebbe was so weak and close to death at the time that his very life was a miracle. But he still maintained his devotions, serving God with absolute simplicity. He continued like this even during the last hours of his life, until he was taken away in peace to the highest levels. Happy is he.

#165.

Whenever his high spiritual level was mentioned, the Rebbe would say, 'But I worked very hard for all this. Ikh hab zeir gehoravet. Ikh hab zeir fil gefast. I struggled very much. I endured many fasts.Ó

We are taught that 'envy of scholars increases wisdomÓ (Bava Batra 21a). This is why the Rebbe told us all these things. He wanted us to envy his great achievements and emulate them, following his ways in striving to serve God.

The Rebbe once spoke to one of us about his attainments. He seemed to boast of his high level and deep perception just like one taunts another and tries to make him jealous of some mundane achievement. The other replied to the Rebbe, 'How can I achieve this? Who is worthy of attaining such a high level? Surely only one with a lofty soul like yours!Ó

The Rebbe seemed very irritated and answered, 'This is the trouble. You think that tzaddikim attain greatness merely because they have a very great soul. This is absolutely wrong! Any person can attain my levels and become just like me. All that it takes is true devotion and effort.Ó

#166.

I heard that the Rebbe once said, 'People think that I am worthy of this great level because I am a great-grandson of the holy Baal Shem Tov. Nothing could be further from the truth. It came in another way completely, and through this I was worthy. Mit ein zakh iz mir giraten. My success came through just one thing.Ó

#167.

The Talmud teaches us that 'Groaning breaks a person's bodyÓ (Berakhot 55b, Ketubot 62a). The Rebbe said that this was precisely his experience.

In his youth, while striving to serve God, he would spend much time sighing and groaning. He would then test himself to see if he could lift his hand. His body was so broken and subjugated that he could not even do this simple task.

#168.

The Rebbe also told us of his great shyness. He said, 'I used to be so timid before God, I could literally feel the shame on my face. I would often stand before God and feel embarrassed, as if I had been humiliated in front of a friend. There were times when I would actually blush, so great was my shame.Ó

This shame and fear were always visible on the Rebbe's face. No one had ever seen anything like it before. The great tzaddik, Rabbi Nachum of Tchernoble once saw the Rebbe as a youth in Medvedevka. He was astounded at the great awe that was visible on the Rebbe's face. He said that on the Rebbe's face we can see the literal meaning of the verse, 'That His fear be on your faces, that you sin notÓ (Exodus 20:17)

#169.

The Rebbe's eyes would literally 'glow like the sun and the moon.Ó This was especially true on the holy Shabbat, when his eyes would shine and his face glow. The Rebbe's great holiness and fiery bond with God on the Shabbat were really something to see. There was the way he said Kiddush on Friday evening and his customs at the table. There was the awesome melody with which he sang Askinu Seudasa and Azamer BeShvachin. There was the way he sang the other Shabbat table songs, such as Kol MeKadesh, Menuchah v'Simcha, Eishet Chayil, and M'ein Olom Haba. If you have not seen this, you have never seen anything good.

Those who were at the Rebbe's table on a Sabbath would be ready to bear witness that such a sight would never be seen again until the coming of the Messiah. If all the seas were ink, it would still be impossible to describe even an inkling of the great beauty, the awesome sanctity, the deep awe, the pleasant comradeship, and the wonderful closeness to God that existed at the table. In all modesty, one could say that such a scene was never before witnessed.

I am only speaking of our own meager understanding of what was taking place there. Beyond that, there were deep mysteries far above our understanding. Before Kiddush, the Rebbe would take the cup in his hand and stand in absolute silence for a long while. All we could hear was a faint yearning sound coming from his lips as he reached the lofty spheres to which he ascended. Then, the Rebbe would begin the opening words of the Kiddush with wondrous pleasantness: 'Yom HaShishi, The Sixth Day....Ó

The Rebbe said, 'The first word....Ó