"The rulers therefore say, 'Come to Cheshbon.'" (Numbers 21:27)
This verse is often interpreted as an allusion to making a "cheshbon,"
reckoning, on how one's life is faring. This reckoning is part of
hitbodedut, the suggested daily practice strongly advised by Rebbe
Nachman.
The following is an excerpt from a forthcoming book, "Where Earth
and Heaven Kiss: Rebbe Nachman's Path of Meditation," now in
editing.
What is hitbodedut?
There is no single or simple answer to this question. Hitbodedut
takes many
forms, moving easily and naturally from one to another, often
imperceptibly, and so cannot be described as being only one thing.
That said, hitbodedut is raw, unadulterated prayer. Rebbe Nachman
points
out that historically, prayer referred to the communication between
a
person and God, spoken in one's native tongue and in his own words.
No
prayer books, no formalized or ritualized service—just straight talk
from
the heart. Hitbodedut.
Reb Noson writes how Rebbe Nachman first introduced him to
hitbodedut:
Rebbe Nachman put his arm around my shoulder and said, "It's also
good to
talk your heart out to God as you would to a true, good friend."
Now, straight talk from the heart is not always going to be about
only one
thing, nor will it always be expressed in the same way. We can see
this
when we talk with a good friend. Sometimes we share our grief,
sometimes we
express a complaint and sometimes we confide a secret. Our grief may
be wet
with tears, our complaint painted red and our secret conveyed in
hushed
tones. If our good friend is also a significant other, our straight
talk
will often be lined with love.
Whatever expression our straight talk may take, it must be
straight—that
is, honest, sincere, genuine and true. Formalized prayers, however
extraordinarily composed, are only scripts. The biggest challenge
presented
by a script is that of reading it as if its words were yours. (Even
for one
who is fluent in Hebrew and well-versed in the sources of the siddur,
and
can appreciate the genius and the poetry of the obligatory prayers,
there
still exists the danger of being lulled into the "unthinkingness" of
mechanical recitation.) Prayer is not theater. Prayer is real life.
So, Rebbe Nachman prescribed hitbodedut. You will find it helpful to
think
of hitbodedut as taking place, at any given moment, in one of four
rooms:
The Refuge/Recovery Room, The Conference Room, The Bedroom and The
NoPlace.
Of course, thinking about "where you are" in hitbodedut shouldn't
interfere
with what you are actually saying. Instead, it should help you to
set your
goals and objectives and prepare to speak. But before we actually
talk
about these "rooms," there are other topics we need to discuss.
It is a serious mistake, if not a spiritually fatal one, to think
that the
goal of hitbodedut is piety or "to be more religious." The goal of
hitbodedut is to plant, nourish and grow your awe, joy and love of
God....
agutn Shabbos!
Shabbat Shalom!
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